Sunday, May 11, 2014

Week 19 of 52: How 21 Jump Street turns into Facebook, aka just another Friday night in AndreaLand…

Friday night! There was a time this meant drinking and dancing until dawn and now it means relaxing, going to bed earlier so I can get plenty of sleep before my 7:30am run Saturday morning. This week, the relaxation method of choice happened to be watching the movie 21 Jump Street. The movie based on the television show I never watched growing up. My friend Julia recommended it to me because she thought I would find it funny. I needed to laugh, so I figure I would check it out, after all how bad could it be?
Totally awesome 21 Jump Street

Turns out it is fucking hilarious! It is so ridiculous I have to laugh at the absurdity of it (much like my life). Although it’s not really surprising how awesome it is, as it does star Jonah Hill, and I absolutely love him! Basically I’m so happy that after years of pretending this movie did not exist, I finally watched it, so I decide to show my happiness by sending Julia random texts of quotes from the movie. For example, the first text I send her is:

Sir, if I have to suck someone’s dick I will, I just prefer not to.

After I send it, I double check to make sure I sent it to the right person (now that would be a bit embarrassing wouldn’t it?) and yes, I confirm I know how to send a text message properly.

Julia texts back :-) which basically means keep those quotes coming!
And sometimes I get angry, so suck a dick.

And then the movie introduces Captain Dickson (the angry black captain) and basically anything that comes out of his mouth is just plain awesome (what can I say? I love my F-bombs).

Text 2: When I say shut the fuck up, I’m talking to you

Text 3: They’re teenagers, they are really fucking stupid.

Text 4: Embrace your stereotype!

And then I pause the movie and call Julia to ask her what my stereotype is?

She says she has no idea what I’m talking about.

Me: Dude “embrace your stereotype!” Haven’t you been getting my texts?!

I’m about to obsessively start checking my texts again, to ensure I didn’t accidently send them to my crush or something stupid like that, when she confirms she has received them.

J: Stereotype?

A: Yes? What is my angry black captain equivalent?!

J: (pauses for a minute) Ok, sorry I don’t think you have a stereotype.

A: Fair enough BUT if I was a stereotype what would I be?

We are at a loss, so we brainstorm for a bit. And with some help from Google and Psychology Today we come up with some potential starting points in which to base a stereotype on.  Conservative, Type A Personality, Emo (not sure about the validity of the test that determined that last one actually).

A: Aren’t conservatives super anal and uptight?! That sounds like me…right?

J: I guess (means yes) have you been getting enough sleep lately? (tries to change the topic unsuccessfully)

A: Old white men! Ok, yeah that doesn’t quite work does it? Yeah, I’ve been sleeping why do you ask?

I don’t let her answer, as I just found a quick set of questions to determine if I should take the 20 minute test to tell me if I’m Type A or not. So then, I proceed to have Julia read the questions while I answer them (see below). I think it is clear that there was no need for me to take the 20-minute test to clear up any potential ambiguity as to whether or not I am in fact Type A.

Q1: Do you have a strong need to excel?
A1: Ummm….yeah…

Q2: Do you have trouble finding time to get your hair cut/styled?
A2: It’s not that I have trouble finding time to make an appointment, it is that I forget to make an appointment until my hair gets so annoyingly unkempt, I have to make a hastily timed appointment, which requires I move heaven and earth to attend, which I do, no problem because my hair makes me so uncomfortable I want to shave all of it off. Does that answer the questions? I can answer it again if you want?

Q3: Do you get irritated easily?
A3:…sometimes… I mean yeah, if I’m around people who are annoying me…yes, that should be a yes.

Q4: Are you bossy and domineering?
A4: Is this a rhetorical question?

Q5: When you were younger was your temper fiery and difficult to control?
A5: (laughs hysterically) When I was younger?! Funny. Is that seriously the question? The answer is yes.

Great! So on to the stereotype...

Imagine the stressed out high powered executive, always working late, always ordering take out and eating at their desk, always bringing work home and never seeming to have enough time to do anything non-work related (i.e., meaningful), like play catch with his son, or visit grandpa in the sanatorium. Or whatever we are considering meaningful these days. And then one day he’s working late and he just dies of a heart attack. Alone. At his desk, face plant in a take out container of chicken fried rice. And they don’t find his rotting maggot filled body until the next morning when the morning security guard does his first walkthrough of the building. 

And there it is. I found my stereotype!
A true BFF helps you vomit (life lesson from 21 Jump Street)

And then Julia ruins the moment by saying “I don’t really think you are type A.”

And I’m like, oh no, I’m type A, I’m just trying harder to not be so much of a type A. Then I need to explain why, because apparently I need Julia to agree that I am Type A in order for me to drop this topic. 

Begin Soliloquy

So when I lived in Ontario (when Julia did not know me), I lived in an environment that was extremely supportive of the Type A personality. So naturally, I embraced my Type A personality, and I thrived, as I love being productive. See, basically I’m like a shark, if I stop swimming I die. So although I love being productive and Type A, I started thinking (obsessively) about the sustainability of my lifestyle. And basically I came to the conclusion that I was going to have a heart attack by the time I was 30! I think it had something to do with the fact that I was a chain smoker, drank coffee like it was water, and considered alcohol a food group. Also, I don’t actually remember sleeping much, except on Sundays (all day) and exercise was…well it wasn’t, unless of course we start considering drinking as a sport.So anyways, I figured my Type A lifestyle in Ontario wasn't going to give me that long of a shelf life. So...

...that’s how I ended up out on the West Coast. In search of the nebulous entity they call the life work balance. Basically I wanted to be a healthier Type A. It didn't mean I wanted to sit around and do nothing all day (tried that, that shit almost killed me! Hellooo shark like people!), it just means now some of my activities involve healthy stuff like running and eating well and getting adequate sleep. Turns out when I do all that healthy stuff, it gives me more energy to do the not necessarily healthy but definitely “fun” stuff, like writing, reading and taking photos. Although I would argue that running is fun; however, it can become unhealthy (but that is the topic of a #futureblogpost). Sure, I still take all the fun stuff way too seriously (Type A to the core!)  but at least now I’m doing fun stuff. And that’s something.

End Soliloquy

Julia finally succumbs to my cold hard logic! (I think she may have just wanted to get off the phone...)

So now that we have seen that tangent through. I’m not quite sure how 21 Jump Street ended up with Facebook, I can only assume it was because I was on the Internet, which always leads to Facebook eventually.


1 comment:

  1. "I was on the Internet, which always leads to Facebook eventually." - Zuckerberg has won...

    ReplyDelete